Several years ago, while teaching third grade, the school asked me to have students write stories. One of my third-grade boys (age 8) wrote a story unlike any I have ever seen in all of my years of teaching. Instead of writing about the usual kinds of stories which children do, he wrote about his experience as an adult man during war.
His story was about trying to save his family while he was being called off to war. He was rushing to hide them in the basement and get them necessities, while trucks of soldiers were coming by to pick him up and take him with them off to war. It was in Europe, and there were trucks. It’s been several years, and I no longer recall all the details, but the essence of the story has stayed with me ever since. Out of all the stories my students wrote over the years, it is the only one I can clearly remember today.
As someone who believes in reincarnation, I’ve always wondered if, in fact, this child’s story was a past-life memory. It was shocking to read. It sounded like one of the World Wars. His concerns sounded just as if an adult man of 35 was speaking about his feelings. There are a number cases now researched and published of young children who remember past lives, and even past lives in wars.
I mentioned the story to his mother, and she responded, “I know. He’s just like an old man, in a little boy’s body.”
As a parent or teacher (even outside of America, and regardless of your religion or lifestyle), have you tried to instill proper values and behavior in your own children or students, yet watched while the following values and behavior appeared instead? Have you wondered where this has been coming from?
Requesting a bulldog
Popularity of sushi
Proliferation of fake ID’s and even younger high school students attempting to use them
Underage drinking, even at home parties, where parents leave and let children party alone
Obsession with champagne
A sudden interest in learning Burlesque dancing
Requesting or attempting underage driving
Obsession with Ivy League colleges
Teenage obsession with wearing only “designer” dresses
Thinking it’s not normal for parents to make a “curfew” time
The idea that even young teenagers “go where they want, and do what they want,” and that “their parents give them the freedom to do so just like adults;” they TELL their parents what they are doing, rather than ASK them.
Girls (even young girls) acting in a sexually aggressive manner toward boys (girls insisting that they both take off clothes)
Girls thinking that it’s normal to date older men secretly without their parents knowing about it
Thinking that normal parents just go to bed, and “don’t wait up for their high school children who come home late.”
Sassy, angry attitude toward any parents who question any of the above assumptions!
The idea that “success” in life equates ONLY to how much money you have, and how “glamorous” you appear to others!
Honesty, dependability, responsibility, and/or service to humanity are unfashionable, boring, stupid, and undesirable
Kindness to others is “out;” while “one-upsmanship” and rude “put-downs” at the expense of others are “in”
An expectation that life is supposed to be one continuous “party”
Any parent or teacher who is having trouble understanding teenage values and behavior today should IMMEDIATELY watch the three television series Beverly Hills 90210 ; Gossip Girl; and 90210 (a different show than Beverly Hills 90210). Even watching a couple of episodes of each show will give you an idea of where this culture is coming from. (Click on these titles for direct links to the series which should work worldwide. Make sure to start with Season 1, Episode 1.) These new values are coming directly from television.
Unfortunately, teenagers are now watching these shows WORLDWIDE. Some are watching on the internet, in English (especially with the global rise in study of English, it is now accessible). But in most countries, these shows are now dubbed in local languages, and right on the television. Not only is American culture changing, but world culture is assuming that these TV shows represent traditional American values (which they most assuredly do NOT).
The people who made these shows recognized that they are FANTASIES of how teenagers WISH their lives were. That’s what makes them fun to watch. However, unfortunately, the children who grew up watching these (without any input from their parents) grew up assuming that this is what they WOULD be able to do as teenagers, and now, the upper middle classes ARE DOING it. Some of the middle class parents don’t know that their children are behaving this way. Among more conservative families, parents should BEWARE if their child asks to spend the night with another family, because they are often going out, or even sneaking out to nightclubs. It doesn’t help that the full age of majority in many countries is 18, rather than 21.
I live in the Middle East, and throughout our region, this is exactly how most teenagers are behaving. The emphasis in our region is all on appearances to create the impression with others that you are rich (even if you are not). Most of those who are rich turn their children (even girls) loose with plenty of money and the family chauffeur (usually driving an expensive, black, four-wheel-drive vehicle) for the weekend. They certainly don’t wait up for their children to come home at night. Most of the kids have fake ID’s and go to night clubs (which don’t even open until 11). Their age is clear, but they just slip $20 to the doorman, who lets them in.
Father Knows Best
In the past couple of years, I’ve read a number of articles where generations following the baby boomers are now criticizing the work ethic of baby-boomers (born 1946-1960) and wondering where this work ethic came from. It’s very clear to me now. It came directly from TELEVISION (as well as from our parents, and from society in general).
Shows during the 1950s and 1960s (and even into the 1970s) showed children working hard, being kind, taking responsibility, and most importantly, GETTING RESPECT FROM OTHERS FOR DOING SO. Some of these shows were Father Knows Best, Leave It to Beaver, The Rifleman, The Waltons, andLittle House on the Prairie. In contrast, teenagers who behave this way today don’t get any respect from others. Instead, they get “USED BY OTHERS” (in the words of a teenager I tutor). Today, it’s showing-off and acting in accordance with the list above that gets a teenager respect from other teenagers.
Among students who bring their lunches to school, there is nothing worse than opening up your lunch only to find it stolen. This is a big problem in elementary schools where students don’t have lockers and are required to leave their lunch in a commonly-accessible place . I came across this humorous picture, but thought it would provide a great solution for kids having this problem regularly. It could be done with a permanent magic marker on the outside of the bag. It would also help deter lunch bullies.
A well-behaved middle-school student I tutor expressed her frustration to me with some of her formerly well-behaved classmates who now talk back to teachers and act up in the classroom.
When my student asked these friends why they now behave this way, they say it’s all about fitting in and being accepted by the “cool” group.
Anyone not accepted by this group is a target for their bullying. My student has a mature attitude and refuses to behave this way; as a consequence, she has to stand up to various forms of insults and bullying constantly.
At one point, our school debated putting in cameras to film student behavior in every corridor and classroom, and then decided not to.
It may have been both about cost, and about invasion of privacy, as well as our school being a high-level college prep school in a Middle Eastern country.
However, lack of cameras is no longer a protection for privacy for anyone, as every student is now capable of filming anything and everything and posting it anonymously and publicly on-line. As this article explains, many students are now purposely provoking a teacher to the breaking point with the advance intention of filming it and posting it on-line. This form of bullying is both demeaning to teachers, and can cost many teachers their jobs.
All teachers need to remember that now, the eyes of the world are watching every second. This applies not just to teachers, but to everyone. Teachers, however, are more vulnerable because students with evil intentions are purposely setting out to put them in a compromised situation.
Another dinner guest said, “The problem with teachers is, ‘What’s a kid going to learn in life from someone who decides his best option in life is to become a teacher? Those who CAN, DO; and those who CAN’T, TEACH.”
I bite my tongue, instead of his, and resist the urge to remind the other dinner guest that it’s also true what they say about lawyers….because, we’re eating, after all, and this is polite conversation.
“I mean, you’re a teacher, Taylor. Be honest….what do you make?”
I wish he hadn’t done that. You see, I have a policy about honesty, which is if you ask for it, then I have to let you have it.
“You want to know what I make??? I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could! I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional Medal of Honor, and I can make an A- feel like a slap in the face! How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best! You want to know what I MAKE??? I make kids sit through 40 minutes of Study Hall in ABSOLUTE SILENCE. ‘You cannot work in groups. No, you can’t ask a question. So put your hand down. Why won’t I let you go to the bathroom? Because you’re BORED, and you don’t really have to go!’ You want to know what I MAKE??? I make parents tremble in FEAR when I call home at around dinner time, ‘This is Mr. Mali….I hope I haven’t called at a bad time….I just wanted to talk to you about something that your son did today…He said (to another kid), ‘Leave the kid alone! I still cry sometimes, don’t you?’ I said (to the parent), ‘It was the noblest act of courage that I have ever seen!’ I make parents see their children for who they ARE, and who they CAN BE! You want to know what I MAKE??? I make kids QUESTION; I make them CRITICIZE; I make them APOLOGIZE and MEAN it; I make them write, write, write; and then I make them READ; I make them SPELL–‘definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful’–over and over again, until they will NEVER misspell either one of those words again! I make them SHOW all their work in math, and then hide it (all their rewrites) in their final drafts in English. I make them realize that if you’ve got THIS (a brain), then you follow THIS (your heart), and that if somebody tries to judge you based on what you make, then you give them THIS (obscene gesture)! Let me ‘break it down’ for you. Let me break it down for you so you know what I say is TRUE. I make a G* ***m difference! Now what about YOU?
—Taylor Mali is a vocal advocate of teachers and the nobility of teaching, having himself spent nine years in the classroom teaching everything from English and history to math and S.A.T. test preparation. He has performed and lectured for teachers all over the world.
I watched the wedding at home this morning with a Middle Eastern teenager I’m homeschooling for a term.
The Royal Wedding Recession On the Red-Carpeted Aisle of Westminster Abbey
His reaction was, “Wow, it’s so serious. We have a lot of fun at Middle Eastern weddings!”
Prince William and Kate Middleton pledging their wedding vows
I told him that the wedding part was equivalent to the “signing of the act” in the Middle Eastern ceremony, and that there is a party afterward called a reception, which is usually held at another location.
Interior of Decorated Westminster Abbey during the Royal Wedding
My student enjoyed seeing the beautiful construction of the church, and really enjoyed seeing the cars and carriages the royals arrived and left in.
Prince William and Kate Middleton in the Royal Carriage
Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip ride in Royal Carriage leaving the Royal Wedding
During the ceremony, my student asked, “Don’t they say, ‘Now you may kiss the bride?’ ” I didn’t have an answer for him right then as to why this had been left out. Later I found out they had saved it for later on the balcony of the Palace, in front of all the people. I was able to call my student on the telephone just in time, and he turned his home TV.
William and Kate sharing their first public kiss on the Buckingham Palace Balcony
Some Middle Eastern teenage girls I talked to were extremely surprised at the fact that British people in general would be so interested in the marriage of a prince. The British children and teenagers at school were extremely excited about the royal wedding, and some of them even jumped up and down. A few Middle Eastern students watched some of the wedding at school with some of the British students.
Two million people packed the streets of London to catch a glimpse of Prince William and Kate as they went by.
Teenagers I know told me that in their own country, no one would camp out in the streets overnight, much less for days, to catch a glimpse of a prince, or spend their time “waiting” to see royalty. They said they just couldn’t believe how popular the British royalty is.
Prince William is as popular as a rock star
When I asked why not, I was told that it’s a way of thinking, that waiting for someone means that you debase yourself and elevate someone else as more important by waiting for them. When I explained that the British princes are as popular as rock stars, the teenage girls replied that in the Middle East, no one would camp out waiting for rock stars, either!
Since these same problems are becoming common throughout the Middle East and North Africa, I thought I’d just survey a few children I know personally to see if the results here agree with the American survey.
A third-grader I know tells me that one child in her class has his own Blackberry, and that all the other children are jealous.
She agreed with the one-third of American children who said they would rather go without their entire summer vacation than give up their mobile device (s) for one month.
She disagreed with the 50 percent who felt it was okay to use a mobile device at the dinner table. I was pleasantly surprised when she told me she prefers talking to people in person over sending a receiving messages from them on a mobile device.
Some fifth-graders I know (ages 10-11) tell me that EVERYONE (except one person) in their class has either two, three, or four mobile devices per person. The one person who doesn’t have any feels very left out. They said they spend between two and three hours a day on their mobile devices, right in line with the American survey. They also agreed that ALL of the children, themselves included, would FAR rather do without their summer vacation than give up mobile devices for one month.
They told me that everyone thinks it’s okay to use the devices at the dinner table if just the family is present, and that parents would not object–in fact, some would use devices themselves.
However, if guests were present, using mobile devices at the dinner table would be rude.
Eighty percent of the upper-middle class high school students in my region now have their Blackberries, according to high school students I know (not compared on the American survey).
See the first comment below for the text of survey of American children.
Dilemmas of an Expat Tutor 